‘My child won’t do THAT!’
A thought that probably crosses the minds of every expectant parent. They are now suddenly watching other people’s children through critical eyes, confident that their imminent arrival will be better behaved/ sleep better etc etc.
And yes, to a certain extent, there are things that can be controlled. Through consistent discipline, you can teach your child to share, or not to throw things, or tidy up, for example.
But what about when they are younger? What do you do when your newborn is waking every hour? Or will only sleep on you? All of a sudden, this parenting idea has become frustrating, scary and exhausting.
It goes without saying that if your baby is not sleeping, then you are not sleeping either. The side-effects have far-reaching consequences. Being tired affects every facet of your life. Your decision-making ability is compromised, your stress levels start to affect your baby, and your patience starts to wear thin. Most significantly, your sense of confidence is eroded. Some Moms that I have spoken to have admitted to being scared of being around their baby because of the constant crying, or have reached the point of no longer trusting themselves. In a society where books and magazines are promoting the blissful, relaxed parenting experience, guilt starts to set in, as many new moms are not feeling what the books tell them they should be feeling. Not wanting to be the person who breaks the maternal ‘norm’, many keep quiet, choosing not to admit their feelings of inadequacy to anyone. These are feelings that evolve through a lack of sleep and a sense of being tired all the time. It’s a viscious cycle that can easily become a routine.
There are varying degress of sleep-deprivation. No matter how slight the disruptions, however, it is something that all parents – no matter how old their children are – can relate to.
The good news is that asking for advice is not a sign of weakness. Addressing a problem makes you a good parent. Ask friends and family. Everyone who has had a baby – every last one of them- has been where you are today. Ask. And if you feel that the advice that your parents or friends are giving you is out of date, then there are professional sleep trainers that can help you. If the thought of trying hundreds of different sleep experiments in a quest to find the ONE that works for you, maybe consider a company like Baby Love.
Their motto is that ‘Your life should not stop when you have a baby, it should simply change.’
I spoke to Fatima, and asked her what inspired her to be a Baby Love Consultant:
"My daughter Nabiha was breastfed full time from the time she was born until 18 months of age. When she was born I was told you breastfeed on demand i.e. whenever she cried- which was all the time and each feed lasted for about 2hours (it was never ending), little did I know at that time as no one informed me that a breastfed baby still follows a feeding routine and is the same as a bottle-fed baby. Eventually it got out of hand as she was reliant on the breast 24 hours, could only sleep while she was suckling and therefore became too dependent on the breast, we couldn’t survive as this drove me to post natal depression. Due to this my husband and I did not want to have any more children. We did know what it was like to have a good night’s sleep.
For 11 months we tried everything and nothing worked, until I heard about baby love. We heard that it was difficult but the results were excellent, we were desperate. It was the best decision we have ever made as we gained success by the 3rd night as well as a full night of sleep.
Our little girl is still in an excellent routine and now my 18 months baby is also in an excellent routine, irrespective of whether they are ill or we go on holiday. My husband and I have time together and get to at least have supper together and spend some quality time every evening as both our babies are fast asleep at 7 pm and only wake up at 6.30am. Baby love gave us our life, time and sleep back and we will always be grateful for the programme.
I made a decision to become a Baby Love Consultant as I can help others, as I know that there are a lot of parents out there especially first time mums/parents who are suffering in silence with sleep deprivation. My advice to all parents: deal with this before it gets worse. Remember nothing in life is easy, but by working hard, making an effort and perseverance to get the routine in place you and your family will reap a lifetime of rewards.
Our main aim is to bring stability, normality, happiness and especially sleep back into the family’s life. Our aim is to make sure that everyone is content and stress free. Our programme is developed to make sure that your child is have a good day routine with regards to feeding, sleeping , awake times etc. We teach you about flexibility in your child’s routine especially on weekends and holidays. We teach you to differentiate between each of your baby’s cries and making sure that you are not always giving in to their wants but their NEEDS. Also a child who sleeps well during the day will sleep well at night, will grow well and reach their milestones on time. If you don’t sleep well, can you function the next day at work?? So you should ask yourself the same question about your little one, if they are not getting sufficient rest during the day and are continuously behaving like Duracell bunnies hyper active and wired the entire day, how do you expect them to sleep well at night. From 4 months of age you can get your baby to sleep well through the night without waking up at all for a feed- sleeping for 10-12 hours. We deal with all aspects of routine from feeding times, snack times, awake times and most important sleep times and how long your baby needs to sleep for during the day. We teaching you about encouraging full feeds but not force feeding.
Parents are under the misconception that if their children sleep during the day they won’t sleep at night, so they force their children to stay awake but this more detrimental to your little angel’s body. The younger your child is the more he/she needs to sleep during the day. We teach you about overstimulation which can sometimes if not often be confused as colic especially with newborns. We are also told that don’t worry your child will eventually outgrow the sleepless nights But how long can you wait for your sleep to come back. Lack of sleeps causing many problems as well in your workplace, your personality and can lead to POST NATAL DEPRESSION. Some babies are born with a routine while others need a bit of encouragement to form a routine and we fail to realise that babies loves routine as this gives them a sense of comfortness and security.
A lot of parents out there end up using sleep props to get their babies to sleep as this is the last resort such as co-sleeping, rocking baby, driving around the block with baby, using a bouncing ball, using the bottle or breast etc. once baby is use to this method you don’t have a life as this results is your spouse getting deprived, major fights happening, your other children feeling deprived as you have no time for them."
They have survived.
And so will you.